I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
