upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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