and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
