Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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