now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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