there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize