24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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