so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
