Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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