I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
