If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize