your room smells of hookers.
And success
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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