Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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