My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
