I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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