I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
