so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
