It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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