the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
