Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
