I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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