I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
