meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want nice things and good sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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