Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
