I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
