So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
