Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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