Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
