Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
