Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had to cum in my sink.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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