what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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