hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
