it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
