you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
