Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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