His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
