20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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