ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
