i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
God, I missed his penis.
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