I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
