at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
