Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
