one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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