The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
