Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize