Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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