I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
