i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
