sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
