Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
