Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nutella sex= disaster
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
