btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
how drunk are you?
Several
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
