fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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