he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize