The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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