You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
