did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
