I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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