Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
