Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
