Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
