life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize