I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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