I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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