Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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