What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize