can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
