Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
