I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
