last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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