we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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