i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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