Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
