It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
