oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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