dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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