it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
