No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
